REVIEW – “Hotel Artemis” a Quaint B-Movie Setting, with a Below-Grade Story

by Joe Hammerschmidt

“It’s just another Wednesday.” Catchphrases of this nature that can turn randomly repetitive are just another reminder one  may be in the middle of a cheesy action movie, more like whose potential is wasted on building up character and the most unique world imaginable, only to express an undesirable urge to rush through everything in a neat package that leaves one large mess. Established big-budget writer and now first-time director Drew Pearce is noble, even whimsical in his dire moves to break past the common rookie missteps which soon overwhelm an otherwise enticing post-apocalyptic thriller, one you‘ll wish could stick around for a longer visit. Hotel Artemis, an eye-catching title, to say the least, answers the often overlooked quarrel of what Los Angeles could best look like during their shot at a Summer Olympics, provided we reach that point.

It’s ten years into the future, the entire state of California is on fire, residents are rioting, and water supply is impossible to regulate. The idea of a civil metropolis is completely eliminated, rather left to our own interpretation due to a lack of sufficient backstory. The titular hotel, a grand palace of old-school art deco flair, serves as a makeshift refuge for anyone needing to stay the night, or recover from serious medical malaise, but only if you’re hiding from the overreactive police force. That’s where veteran nurse Jean Thomas (a near-unrecognizable Jodie Foster) comes in, on what seems like another ordinary day, but couldn’t be far from it.

As Artemis’s head of staff, and rather its lone employee, Foster is clearly overwhelmed on the busier days, yet manages to keep a level head. Her clientele on the given night in question is of no help whatsoever, between an amateur thief just trying to keep his head undercover, codenamed Waikiki (Sterling K. Brown), his wounded partner Honolulu (Bryan Tyree Henry), French killer-for-hire Nice (Sofia Boutella), average businessman Acapulco (Charlie Day), and frontman muscle Everest (Dave Bautista). When the hotel’s owner, a syndicate leader known as the Wolf King (Jeff Goldblum) arrives seeking assistance, with only his son Crosby (Zachary Quinto) as an early, bloody forewarning, then all hell explodes against a backdrop we frustratingly only see little glimpses of, so as not to distract from the activity inside the well-designed rooms. Small sidebar: the production design, from the fancy suites to the clinical wards with every ounce of a dramatic power outage only seen in the likes of famous cinematic prison escapes, all the work of up-and-comer Ramsey Avery (10 Cloverfield Lane), it’s all naught to be messed with. Even as the storyline loses its sense of formality, the overall look is never sacrificed, to the point where it’s almost undeserving of its shoddy plotline.

Pierce clearly finds no fault in his casting choices, each character represented spot-on, even if some of the standouts lack enough screen time to leave a lasting impression. Foster, in the lead role, almost needn’t apply, even if five years have passed since her last acting part in Neill Blomkamp’s Elysium, focusing more on directing. Her return in front of the camera did throw me off a trifle, almost like it were an unfamiliar actress in a Jodie Foster-like part, only to finally accept it was the real deal near the end. Once more, she proves her unique strengths as an actress, and as a solid voice to anyone looking to follow in her footsteps, with plenty wayward grace, and a far-from-lost ability to hold her own in a quick pinch. With the hope in mind for her acting genius to continue without a stoppage, Miss Foster is a determinate MVP for the film, a unique master of her craft.

It’s too bad the same can’t be same for literally every other member of the cast who, try as they will, are starved for action versus a commanding leader. Quinto makes for a middling, ill-defined antagonist, whose viability is defined only when the whole “family under siege” undertone goes dark, with poor Mr. Goldblum unable to get a word in edgewise at the most appropriate moment. Brown and Henry, both established TV stars look like they’re enjoying the work, yet they are just as underused. They are the key driver to pushing the hotel activity forward, and Pierce manages to turn them into the most useless characters, serving as near decorative standalones. Perhaps if there’d been a greater focus on Boutella’s assassin and Day’s lucrative shark, they would have easily made more formidable foes while Waikiki and Honolulu attempted to keep each other alive.

Pierce’s objectives are obvious, creating a mesmerizing noirish actioner, yet an apparent strain of ADD prevents the uniqueness for really flourishing. You’ll notice right away from its relatively quick runtime, that it is way too compact. 85 minutes of actual story time before the end credits, clearly, certain elements needed to improve one’s visual identity. As mentioned, it looks and feels like a masterpiece, in no small part due to Chung Chung-hoon’s (a DoP with experience on both American blockbusters and Korean thrillers) intentionally drab cinematography, as well as Paul Zucker’s quick-witted editorial sense. Yet again, the written word coupled to that artistry falls very short of any visible expectations, sabotaging one’s own script to clearly keep the investors happy, or he’s holding something back to hopefully come back to in later installments as if that would ever happen.

Pierce restrains his own work too much, the end result is simply forgettable, and just too much of a letdown to come back to, knowing it could’ve been a million times more feasible, sensible or exciting with the right care. His Hotel Artemis enters one’s eyesight with a plethora of possibilities, only to ignore every single one to stick with the most convenient option that can keep everyone involved happy, and get the viewing audience on their merry way, albeit a little empty. What we’re left with is a sorry pile of action movie filler; no protein, only carbs, and not the kind that would keep you satisfied. Think of it like room service, only slightly delicious and reasonably overpriced. It’s worth a small sample until we realize how little of a variety is attached. I do encourage any readers of this review, consider making a visit, at matinee price; despite only carrying a short period of play, one may find just as much to like with this in-the-middle tale, as with a 15-minute short on one end (once Pierce’s bread and butter, re a pair of MCU shorts), or a long-form blockbuster on the other, the likes of which we’ve seen plenty of already this summer. (C+)

Hotel Artemis is in most area theaters this weekend; rated R for violence and language throughout, some sexual references, and brief drug use; 93 minutes.